Glories and Absurdities

I’m working at the house these days, and my cat gives me a daily set of demands. On the plus side, he gives me someone to complain about when my wife gets home.

I miss corndogs. They weren’t even that good, but they were the best in a knowingly unhealthy way. It’s been forever since I’ve had one. That’s probably because — Gasp! — I’ve matured. 

When I was mowing the grass as a kid and came across a beauty like this, I always ran over it, producing a satisfying spray of spores across the yard. These days, it’s more satisfying to leave it alone.

My penmanship is getting worse as I age. I hear the souls of my school teachers scream their anguish with every squiggle I write.

I get one microwavable Mac & Cheese a week. We usually buy it on Saturday or Sunday, and I eat it on Monday. So I spend a week anticipating my next Mac & Cheese. This is what my life has become.

When we have a six- or eight-pack of drinks, everyone else leaves the plastic holders on the cabinet top for me to cut. I make sure no birds get their necks caught and twisted in deadly circles. I’m a minor league superhero. morrisstories.com

When I was going to college, Mom sent my sister to buy me a can opener at Albertson’s. She came back with one that cost the full $5 Mom had given her. “You didn’t need to get one that good,” Mom said. 2022 is my can opener’s 35th anniversary.

When I walked in to fetch a drink, I mumbled something, and she said, “What?”  “I was talking to the dog,” I replied. As I walked out to once again enjoy the night, I thought I heard something and said, “What?” “I was talking to the cat,” she said.

Whenever I smell honeysuckle, I think of one place and one person. I wonder if that will ever change? morrisstories.com