Our dog, Swinter, is weird and always has been. We got her at the Humane Society. While my family was fascinated by the puppies gathered together in a common area, I looked across the room and saw her face in a cage. It was love at first sight for me. From what came next, she …
I was thinking about you the other day because I was planning to show off. My wife and I have a weekend routine. It started during COVID but probably should’ve started years before just on general principles. We have eggs for breakfast. They’re usually scrambled, but she sometimes makes omelets with rubbery contraptions that work …
The other day I noticed that it’d been a while since I’d seen any good news. I had to wonder: Was that because there isn’t any good news? Or was I just not searching hard enough for it? I mean, I watch cute videos on Twitter and YouTube. They’re called “timeline cleansers,” and people share …
My arm is sore, and I’m starting to suspect my glasses. I’ve been wearing glasses since ninth grade. The lady came to school, and while she set up the eye chart, I said, “Let’s fail the test on purpose.” Then I proceeded to fail the test. Faraway things were my problem. I’m not blind, but …
A friend of mine puts out feeders for hummingbirds, but they don’t always respect boundaries. One day, a hyperactive, little bird slipped inside her house. “I’m like, ‘Oh, no. What now?’” she said. Later on, I told Jay Bell, my friend from “Bradenton-Fun-in-the-Sun-Baby, Florida,” about her hummingbird encounter. Before I finished the story, we imagined …
It was a low-productivity weekend. Football got me the way it did in the old days. They say football is a religion in the South, but I never believed that. The South has religion, and it has football. Sure, both involve prayers, but one’s thousands of years old and the other is a hundred and …
In the late 1900s, my wife and I learned about emotional bank accounts. We weren’t devoted to “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey but read the book and went through a few days of training. We both liked the emotional bank account idea. Treating someone badly causes withdrawals while doing nice …
The Great State of Alabama should declare war on the landmass-masquerading-as-a-state, Florida. That was my first thought after learning “To Kill a Mockingbird” was on a list of books banned in the Sunshine State. But should I trust a social media post? I mean, if I’m going to go so far as to advocate for …
I called Jay Bell, my good friend from “Bradenton-Fun—in-the-Sun-Baby, Florida,” to tell him the story of my lost hat. “You want hat stories?” he said. “I’ve got some good ones.” “I wanted to tell you mine,” I replied. “Hold on,” he said and launched into his first story. About a decade ago, Jay Bell got …
When we bought tickets, we had a kid going with us to “Minions: The Rise of Gru.” Technically, my daughter is a young adult, but she would’ve given my wife and me cover. I’d seen a preview of the movie. One of the minions tries to break a piece of wood with his head. He …
